Gigantic Fruit Threatens Small Neighborhood. Passing Motorists Amused at their Helpless Plight.
What happens when gene splicing meets stupidity


Driving down the road one day on my way back from a delicious Sunday brunch of Chinese cuisine, motorist Jackswillydilly (name changed to prevent the innocent from being drug into this) and passenger T. (because he doesn't know any better) were suddenly struck by the presence of a road-side object that demanded our keenest of attention.

It emerges slowly at first...nothing more than a gigantic blob of orange on the horizon, apparently camped out on the front lawn of some unsuspecting homeowner; perhaps completely without the resident's knowledge! These things can happen anywhere. Is someone having a used car sale?


We grow closer and realize that this gigantic beast of harvest has surrounded this poor house and its residents! At first we thought it might be a benevolent gourd, but no. Its intent was malicious. This is a deadly pumpkin, with the consumption of all who venture near its only motivation for existence.


As we grow near you can see it's vicious features - the blood-thirsty eyes and gap-toothed sneer reveal the blackness of its soul. Perhaps it feels it can conceal itself behind inanimate objects such as pickup trucks and telephone poles, but we sincerely hope that the citizen walking along the street realizes his/her iminent peril and soon makes his/her escape to safety. As behemoth as they can seem, these giant beasts can strike quickly and without provocation.



As we come in even closer, risking our own well-being, you can see the creature attempting to conceal itself behind the local plantlife and obstructions, possibly hoping we will not notice its existence and will venture close enough to it's open maw for it to make a snap at us. This unfortunate creature will have no such opportunity with us. The safty of Jackswillydilly and myself are paramount in my mind. We will venture no closer. At least for a while. For this moment in time, our curiosity satiated, we resume our travels, praying that the dear citizens trapped inside the house find means of a quick escape. Perhaps through a basement window, as long as the beast's well-known companions the Cabbage Patch Kids haven't set up camp behind their house.

T.