Stolen Entries from Cookie Monster's Diary

These selected entries have been reproduced in their entirity, and have been left unedited. This blog is not responsible for the content of the following.


9.4.85

Today me go to Hoopers store to buy - what else? Cookies. Yummy cookies. I had craving for rum raisin cookie, but Hooper did not have rum raisin. I ask him if he had oatmeal chocolate chip. No, said Hooper. No oatmeal chocolate chip.
Cookie Monster getting frustrated! Googley-eyed monster needs sustainance! What kind of cookie does Mr. Hooper have? Only peanut butter.
Stupid peanut butter.
This is going to be a bad day.



4.1.89

Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie
Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Cookie Milk.



11.3.89

It been awhile since Cookie Monster write in diary. Sorry. Cookie Monster had to go away for awhile. The nice people at the hospital say Cookie Monster all better now! But they say I have to change my name. My name is now Alistair. Alistair C. Monster. But now, the C stand for... C stands for...C is for...for...C is for...is..for........carrot.



1.16.90

Okay. NOW doctor say Alistair all better. He say last time was his fault. It okay though, I no mind. I don't use my emotions as excuse for binge-eating. Doctor says I don't like my mommy. Sorry mommy. And sorry cookies, Alistair no need you no more. Now Alistair only eat good things! Crunchy things. Like bananas. And soft squishy things, like carrots. Me allowed to eat raisins still. Like raisins from yummy rum...no, me no say that word.



3.7.90

I really hate that Big Bird.



3.27.90

I go to dentist today to have teeth checked out. He say I have cavities. He says I no take care of teeth. Not true! I would brush my teeth if toothbrush wasn't so tasty. Anywho...dentist say I need 45 cavities. Is that alot? He tells me no more sweet foods. Boy have I been hearing that alot recently...



4.18.92

Dear Diary,
This is day 17 of what the news calls the great cookie war. Me not sure what they talk about. I am here in Hooper's store. Hooper is dead. I killed him with his own cash drawer about four days ago. He ran out of cookies. No one runs out of cookies while Cookie Monster is here! (Oh yes, I also kill doctor who change name to Alistair. He poop head.



6.5.92

The kind police officers let me have my diary in prison! I have been here for a while now. Judge calls it "cookie jail" but I no see no cookies in here. Telly and Oscar come and visit every once in a while, but the visits are fewer and fewer. You gotta be tough. You gotta be tough in the big house, man. . .




These journal entries were discovered left atop a simple grave in Connecticut where the head stone said "here lies Alistair C. Muenster; he has paid his debt to society. If he comes back, tell him his dry-cleaning is ready to be picked up." No one is quite sure of what to make of these documents, but it does lighten the suspicion of murder charges brought against Mr. Snuffleupagus after Cookie Monster's disappearance.

T.