Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Wing Night at the Winking Lizard Tavern

Let me just say that chicken wings are quite an amazingly messy creation. Perhaps the wing part itself isn't so bad, but once you batter it up and then soak it in some tasty sauce, it is a food that leap-frogs to another dimension, whose sole purpose is to spread itself as far from one elbow to the other, to say nothing of your face. Not ideal for a first date. It'd probably be pretty good for a last, though. It'd make the break-up really easy.

Me: (slurp )Um, there's something. . . I've been meaning (gobble) to uh, talk to (nibble) -to you about.

Attractive Girl (ficticious): Oh yeah? What's that?

Myself:(munch munch) Um, I'm just not sure -

Supermodel (also ficticious): -you know you've got garlic sauce all over your face?

Irene: Huh? Oh, yeah (gobble) So, listen. . . I'm just not sure this is working out.

Babe: Uh, listen, you have barbecue sauce in your hair.

Me: Look, don't worry about that now, I'm trying to tell you-

Girl: No, I'm sorry, it's really bothering me. Can you please wipe yourself off a little bit? You look like a four-year old eating spaghetti. Gosh, you've got it in your ear. It's just a chicken wing, how hard can it be?!

Self:Look, will you pay attention, I'm trying to tell you something!

Increasingly unattractive female: No! Clean yourself off or we're not talking at all! You're disgusting!

The righteous man: (Stuffs another tasty Caribbean Spice wing into his mouth) Look, I think you'll want to hear what I'm saying! (Slobber)

Ugly Hag No! Forget it! I'm out of here! I can't be seen around you! You're so gross! I'm outta here!

Problem solved.


No comments: